End 2017
Squeezing lemons – dating after breakup (& at 50!)
So this is the one I’ve been thinking about writing for a while – should I write it, shouldn’t I? Mmmmm it’s difficult, it’s funny and it’s also a tad sad, so I thought hey why not….dating after breakup 🙂
I am indeed a blogger? This is my choice. So here goes – Squeezing lemons dating post breakup!
Again I won’t share the details but just the general theme.
So it occurred to me at the beginning of the year that I needed to meet new people. And by people, I mean men. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not focussing on finding a man – I’m focusing on finding my new life!
Steps
I’ve made amazing steps forward with friends, family, blog, work and generally having a good time and loving it.
But you know to share that with someone special (a partner in crime) again this decade ( 🙂 )
Would be nice and I know no one is going to knock on my door, so my decision was try and see what happens….. gently (I have a lot of love to give to the right person)
So let’s get one thing straight before we start.
Being single at 50 is actually ok, it’s different after 23 years ‘coupled – happily’ but it’s ok!
For those that say ‘oh you won’t meet anyone‘ or ‘oh that’s a difficult age to be single etc‘ then slip you that sorry, sad, pathetic look – well quite frankly, that’s total rubbish and they should do one!!
In my limited experience there are ALOT of single people in midlife………
Dating post break-up
So what’s it like dating post breakup? How is it?
Well it’s bloody exciting for one, bloody great fun, you get a sense of being totally alive.
But it’s a roller-coaster and you have to pick your times for it.
It’s also flipping difficult trying to weave your way through all the boll**k’s and its draining and exhausting……. all of these things.
Dating at 50 is scary stuff!
In some ways dating makes your whole world open up – it’s like shopping for sweets!
Should I choose this, should I try that flavour, oh there’s a new kind of sparkly red candy there – when actually it turns out to be a sour worm.
You get the drift yes???
I think timing really is key. I started dating a little at the beginning of the year – when I wasn’t, it would seem, actually ready but I needed a distraction (like really needed it).
It was awful sometimes, but ok other times.
And even if I wasn’t that enamoured by the guy it was good to be wanted, to feel attractive again – ok let’s be honest – to be desired again.
That in itself helps with ones confidence.
I’m not ready to share my dating stories but I’ll give you one at least:
I’ve had a guy crash his car in the car park coming to meet me for a coffee – I felt so bloody sorry for him that I had a second cup – lol and then disappeared – bad day for him.
There are some nutters out there, but there are also some very sweet and wonderful guys – two of the guys I’ve had a date with are now my true friends – that I like!
Next
I often shout NEXT to my fellow dating warriors (there are a lot of us out there).
When I hear a story about how the guy let her down etc! But the question – just how long is the line? How long do we shout NEXT for – before we stick?!
And sometimes I just think – sod this and I stop for a while…
To get a text message in the morning saying ‘hello gorgeous’ really is totally lovely!
And boy I’ve laughed so much at my own exploits, at my fellow DW exploits. I’ve laughed so hard that I’ve almost peeed my pants.
When did it become ok to receive THOSE pics (just out of the blue), you know the ones lol!! *presses block*
I’m thinking of collating them and making my own Christmas cards, you know with christmas hats on? – guys seriously they are not that attractive…..
One morning I actually dropped my coffee and it totally put me off my breakfast! lol!
So dating midlife is dramatically different than in your 20’s, we all have our own ‘stuff’ to deal with (I hate the word baggage) but you know what I mean.
Players
There are some players out there who think they are something special, when they are not and there are some guys who just want someone to wash their socks and make them dinner (Clare runs in the opposite direction).
And clearly the married ones, the ones that say – oh my wife doesn’t understand me, righty oh! Do one….. ‘Oh but can’t we have an affair and see?’ – well no actually we can’t….. (but what if they just happen to be the right one??)
And then a ‘PRINCE’ arrives – or so it seems?! Ha!.
You get all excited about being part of a couple, about planning weekends etc and feeling a tad smug with your exciting ‘new’ squeeze and all that goes with that.
And then, hey inevitably, it goes pear shaped and you hit the floor (again).
With that you are thrown back to thinking about what you’ve lost (originally) and harp back to the ex…….. 🙁
So see the issues? Putting yourself out there, putting yourself in that sweet ‘shop’ has it’s dangers.
Dangers of dragging you back to feelings you thought you were almost over….. Nah!
Date ready post breakup
So I’ve got a wardrobe full of ‘Date’ clothes. My nails are often painted and I’m buffed within an inch of my life – most of the time 🙂
My diary is full …. my weekends are planned and my outfits chosen….. I think one refocuses on oneself…. maybe not such a bad thing…
Priorities change for sure and adventures begin……. but then the ‘ageing singletons’ often spend Sunday nights alone on the sofa……..
Looks like I may need to keep squeezing lemons for a while 🙂 if I can find my squeezer and if I can be bothered …… no rush tho’
So does this ring any bells? Are you dating? Shocked? Dating post breakup?
Come on I love your comments
Thanks Cx
And please remember I only ever try to be REAL!
(And after my ‘wobble’ re blogging – And in answer to why do I blog, just to be clear? Because I can, because I want to, because it’s my life and I choose what I do with it? I check my posts through people I TRUST to make sure they are ok – I’m comfortable with that. I do not share everything – trust me…..
If I can help one person in my position, help anyone think about things – then that’s enough for me, it’s that simple. If you don’t like it – anyone out there – simply don’t read it – you really don’t have to, I won’t be offended?)
And if you are wondering where all this started then maybe catch my first ever relationship post Affairs of the Heart
It might all make a tad more sense – dating post breakup!
Andy
I just read this, and I know you agonised over posting it.. I don’t know what you are fretting about! You write from the heart, beautifully and honestly and with humour which shows a great ability not to take yourself too seriously.. If there is any justice out there, then some lucky guy soon is going to make you a happy lady, and you will make him a happy man. It simply has to be…Don’t stop bloggin’!!
Debs
Have just read your blog and can totally relate to it!
Makes me feel less alone in my quest to find love at 55. Onwards & as you said NEXT??
Susan
Don’t you dare give up on anything: you have loads of love to give and lots of caring friends out here ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Steph Fulton
You are such an awesome writer? Why? Because it’s from your heart and you are truthful, as well as funny as all get out. I always take away something from your posts. Thank you for inspiring, both in food and in life. ❤️
Adèle
Wonderful, insightful, funny yet real… Claire keep dating, keep blogging!! EPLS is fantastic! X
Kathy
Proud of you sis, great writing as always – honest, heartfelt & always with humour – love ya ❤️❤️❤️
Beverley Loggia
Spot on Clare, and bravo you for daring to share your honest feelings on how you are finding this new single world. I don’t doubt many will feel the truth of some if not all of your thoughts. Keep on being you and sharing…… though I’m not succumbing to using the phrase ageing singleton!!!! (Yet) ??xx
Michelle Frank | Flipped-Out Food
I LOL’ed reading this…I went through it about 6 years back, and I can really see myself in much of what you’ve written here! I was fortunate enough to meet the love of my life, now my wonderful hubster and partner in crime, pretty early in my dating misadventures. Fortunately, none of those misadventures sent me you-know-what pics, although the idea of a Christmas card with the little hats sounds DELIGHTFUL. 😛
Clare x
lol xxxx thanks