Turning 50 – really?
How is it possible? – that’s 50 years, half a century – it’s quite frankly bananas. Turning 50 – Milestone Pause, time for reflection i think
Please don’t misunderstand me I’m totally fine with being 50, let’s face it the alternative isn’t that attractive now is it? And some people would have given the world to hit 50……. So I’m rejoicing that I made it! Ok a tad creaky, a tad heavy, grey and a few wrinkles but generally not too shoddy! And I don’t feel 50 at all!
I guess a lot of you may be thinking god I wish she’d shut up with this #countingdownto50 shit. But it has been my way of approaching it, handling it, celebrating it! The alternative was not great. I would have been in the Maldives for 2 weeks – that was always the plan for my 50th. But life changed and so did my plans! In order to plough through this milestone I needed to plan and spend time with my nearest and dearest. To embrace and celebrate this new life, in the best way I can….
Even when turning 50 I’m not one for a massive party – all too complex with being from the north and it’s really just not my thing – some of you may be surprised by that. So I planned loads of lovely things spread across the year! Spending quality time with those people who mean the world to me. Not just a fleeting hello at a party! I think parties are difficult as the host – you simply don’t get time to ‘be’ with people.
But what I can’t get my head around is seeing those numbers FIVE ZERO written on a card and I sort of do a double take – me 50? So what does 50 actually mean? I’m not concerned by the number, I think it’s probably just a pause and stop and reflect moment. Slightly difficult for me as my life is entirely different from what I thought!
So as I reach this milestone I have realised I now trust my experience and expertise far more than I used to, and I better know my limitations. It’s empowering to realise that we are possibly, at this age, at the top of our game career wise. I love my job (most of the time) but what I also love is my blog – it has been the making of me. I have met so many incredible and inspirational people along the way, this 3 year blog journey has enriched everything about my life; everything! And to be honest I’m not sure I would have got through the year without it. And yes I really mean that.
I am discovering that I care less about what other people think. Also I have learnt to say no! And I’m learning to take a little less control. I care less about material things too – and about acquisition generally. I have some wonderful things in my life through hard graft – but these are exactly that ‘just things.’
So as I think back across 50 years it is breathtaking what has happened (same for all I’m sure) There have been some fabulous times, just the best and some really desperate times too…. I have been blessed with an amazing family and some truly incredible friends. I hope too I have been a good daughter, Bearby, auntie, sister, colleague, boss and friend – I’ve tried my best anyway and I also try to be empathetic. Someone told me this week that I am the most empathetic person they know, this surprised me.
In the last year I lost my darling life partner from my life (or so I thought) but I have a new blog baby now and my ex is still one of my best friends, it’s been a roller coaster but maybe we have made it to the other side of the hurt (well almost) and I am probably a better version of myself now – through working on this new life I’m trying to create.
So what’s next?
I had no idea I would be single at 50. I’ve been dating a bit, it’s fun but also frustrating. I’ll continue 😉
So thanks for all the love and support – I hope my #countingdownto50 now makes a tad more sense. I’m not ‘up myself’ at all – I’m just trying to celebrate and embrace this difficult life we all live and to be REAL. It’s been a monstrous year, you only have to watch the news or read the newspaper. So we must celebrate all the positives and I’m just happy to have hit my half century.
So on the eve of my milestone I’m smiling at how I made it through with amazing people around me and grateful…. and lets’ charge forth… one day at a time…
In the meantime I need to lie in a dark room and muster enough energy for the next few days 🙂 Turning 50 – Milestone Pause I need to really think….
Let me know – does life change at 50? or 40? or 30? I love your comments
Big love Cx
Turning 50 – Milestone Pause