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Still adjusting post relationship breakdown

Two years! Two bloody years since my life changed so dramatically! Wow and what a two years it’s been. Am I till adjusting post relationship breakdown? It’s been very good and very bad all rolled into one, it’s been a roller coaster trust me :-). Life has adjusted somewhat (to say the least!) and I’m doing some great stuff, living a full and free life. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – life is tough but oh so precious. We must live it and live it well and to the best of our ability, we must not waste it.

Still adjusting post relationship breakdown? I guess I am….

I feel in total torment most of the time. I’m having great fun this mixed with some, quite honestly lonely times. I finally feel like a grown up, yes finally (at 51!!) Supporting myself, doing a lot of stuff alone and being ok with that.

Right now I’m sat in the Sofitel at Gatwick having just dropped off my car and waiting to fly off in the morning. And that’s when it’s soooooo odd. It’s really bizarre, I travel a lot on my own for business and quite honestly I love that, I like the solitude, the freedom to do as I please and I’m confident in travelling alone – no issues, easily and calmly amusing myself in other countries.

BUT THEN when it’s my time, when it’s holiday time and I’m doing it alone, I feel odd / strange – I can’t quite explain the feeling. I was speaking to my best friend about it earlier and she was really surprised that I felt like this (I guess I put on a good act). It’s strange how people assume it’s so easy for me or that I’m totally fine with it? To be fair I am most of the time.

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Last week was my Board Meetings at work and we did some lovely stuff, amazing actually and I’m very lucky I know. BUT I was alone and it hit me. This feeling……  where I feel odd and then it finally hit me as to WHY and now I know. It’s when I repeat events that in the past we did as a twosome! Then it hurts – memories flood back. Today it hurts – we always valet parked and stayed in the Sofitel before holidays. (I’m so bloody sensitive and sentimental). We had traditions, routines etc.and a lot of them.  When you reenact those events,  alone – that’s when it sucks. That’s when my tummy flips.

So is the moral of the story to change the format? Well maybe. Or is it to carry on regardless – that’s what I do????  Why should I change what I do or how I do it? I’ve also noticed that it’s worse when I’m stressed, tired or just preoccupied with other stuff and I am right now, are you the same?

Still adjusting… & it’s tough.. on your own

So I’m here sipping my Sipsmith Gin and eating my food, alone  and you know what I was tempted to have room service, then I thought no, go to the bar, the restaurant and do your normal stuff. So here I am…. quite content.

And I’m ready to meet my friend in the morning and jet off for a few days ….. and it’s all ok

To breathe and chill – and I cannot bloody wait

so it seems I’m still adjusting post relationship breakdown but it does get easier

Have you holidayed alone? Or do you travel alone…. Do you love it or hate it?

I’d love to know

And if you are wondering where all this started then maybe catch my first ever relationship post Affairs of the Heart

It might all make a tad more sense

Big Love Cx

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Comments

Sara Lane says:
Clare, you're so brave sharing all of this. It's so easy to put on an act, pretend we're not lonely or scared or out of our comfort zone - and I'm sure none of those people in the bar with you would have an inkling that you feel like this - you always look so fab and confident. It's always amazing what goes on under the surface - which is a lesson to us all to be kind and not judge by appearances. Enjoy your evening and enjoy your break. xx
    Clare x says:
    Thanks darling - I'm actually having a lovely time :-) xxxx
Tim says:
Hello you I always think of you at this time of the year
Tim says:
Hello you I always think of you this time of year