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Affairs of the heart! Oh My last four months….. not so easypeasylemonsqueezy

October 2016

Affairs of the heart! Oh My last four months….. not so easypeasylemonsqueezy

Wow not quite sure where to start or indeed how much to share. But alas I have just been through the most horrendous 4 months in my personal life, I’m guessing a lot of you have realised. It came out of nowhere and I mean nowhere. At the time I did actually start to wonder if I was losing my mind or if ‘him upstairs’ was just having a laugh with me. So I want to write about it a little – not, of course sharing all the details but more about how one can change even in the most horrendous situations.

So it’s not that shocking news when a relationship breaks down, it happens all the time, right? In fact it happens way too often I have realised. When you are bumbling along in your 20 year relationship and you sort of have the next 20 years (hopefully) mapped out, loosely, at least. Well my friends let me tell you – it’s not that simple or that straightforward…. You never know what is around that next corner or how life can change in a moment. I have said this before to myself but I have to say it again – WE MUST never EVER take anything or anyone for granted…… it is just not promised….

Oh affairs of the heart! hey never easy ……

I had been with my best friend (still is if truth be know) my soul mate and my partner for a very long time. We had had our ups and downs – as most couples do. We had been through really rubbish times with losses and just difficult life stuff – but we always managed to pull together.   In fact, if anything, we were really strong in any form of crisis. And we had shared some of the BEST times.

Then booooooom it stops. (no details here I’m afraid) let’s just suffice to say that a person changed (or did their mask slip?) Or did they just decide they wanted something else? Anyway maybe I’ll never really know. I actually think it was a change, maybe a realisation that ‘this was it?’ It happens I guess. Was there something better? Who knows.

BUT I died a little inside right there. How could this person who I had known for so many many years be so different. How can a caring, generous person be almost unrecognisable from himself or the person I thought he was? Or was I wrong? Or was it me? MAYBE….

What it did to me was TOTALLY ‘catapult’ me into the most uncertain of situations and the most uncomfortable of situations – it, if i’m totally honest floored me WHAM! How can things change just like that on a sixpence? Life is strange. Can you stop loving someone by flicking a switch? I certainly can’t. For the first 3 months I literally  just existed – I worked hard (so maybe I did have some strength) and just marched through each day – easypeasylemonsqueezy went on the back burner. I can’t even say that I ate or slept that much in those 3 months  (hence my weight dropped). But from somewhere inside I managed, just to hold it together. Something inside was clearly so very strong, but at times it didn’t feel that way. I learnt very quickly who were my friends – the support I have had from my close circle has been somewhat incredible. I have one particular person in my life who amazed me and was there with me every step of the way – she knows who she is and I will be FOREVER in her debt, I’m not even sure if she knows just how much she helped me!

I tried hard to hold it together in front of my lovely family, I tried not to worry them. I’m not entirely sure I succeeded… but I tried at least. The last thing I want to do is worry anyone – but my word it’s so hard to act normally when underneath you are falling to pieces.

Then as month  4 rocked around, I decided  I needed to do something,  or else I was going to be in a really bad way. So one Monday morning I just woke up and thought  – this has to stop. I was in a downward spiral.   I had done nothing wrong, I had simply been myself. Things had just changed – maybe no ones fault.  I thought, I cannot fold and I cannot give in. It is quite amazing what power the brain can have over such situations – if one can get strong enough to think clearly, then our best friend is indeed our mind. Our mind can persuade us that anything is ok! We just need to get to that point first! It’s hard when something happens and you reach for the phone then suddenly realise that that person is no longer interested. You just have to stop, as hard as it is.

So I focussed heavily on trying to look after myself. I tried to stop panicking (and let me tell you panic truely destroys you) I tried (as cliche as it is) to just focus on the next 24 hours (whilst trying to stop myself looking backwards and forwards simultaneously – that ‘OMG Christmas / New Year etc. was banished – still is) I tried to focus on my new house (oh yes did I forget to tell you – the day I left was also the day I moved into my dream house – only I was alone)

And slowly life has returned albeit in a totally different format. I have met a few new people who have really helped me with my confidence. I am fragile (but strong – if that makes sense)  and I feel like my heart is still stuck together with selloptape BUT I manage each day and I have started to laugh and smile a lot which feels good! I guess as time goes by life will be exciting again. We need to remember to be REAL (as someone has told me recently – and thank you (Dr)- you know who you are). We need to remember things are not perfect and sometimes far from it!  We need to remember that the future can be very exciting and maybe the best is yet to come. I have at least a flickering of excitement as to where I will go and who I will meet. It’s nice lets be honest to have attention again….. And it’s nice to be able to sleep again.

When things change, we have to change and that has already started to happen for me. I’m not at all bitter and I truly believe if someone wants something else then they should just do it, but in the right way

I have also been thinking a lot lately about how important it is to be nice ,  and I mean really nice. We need to be kind and thoughtful, we need to be honest.  We clearly need to LOVE ourselves – before anyone can love us again!

So to all you guys out there whatever your situation, know it will be ok – it might be tough going – but it will and has to be ok……

Here’s to a happy fun filled future! Amen

Big love you lovely people

Cx

(and if you know anyone that this might help please don’t be afraid to hit the SHARE button)

(Oh and while you’re here have a look around – lovely recipes and cocktails and I even get down to my pants in one post! and Subscribe to one email a month – why not?)

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

 

Comments

Emilie says:
💜💜 You are stronger than you know, and very brave. 😘Much love my lil warrior 👭 Better things are still to come xx
Kathy Morfin says:
Beautifully written & hearfelt, keep getting stronger you can do it! Love you 😘 xx
Clare x says:
Hey thanks - but you have to know I'm feeling good! Hence the ability to actually post the post Cx
Kristy Hijacked By Twins says:
I am sorry to hear you've had a hard few months but I am delighted that you have turned a corner and looking after yourself x
Lisa Ray says:
Thank you for writing this:) I'm in an upheaval of a situation myself and this post was encouraging to me.
    Clare x says:
    Gets better lovely - just keep being fabulous! x
julia says:
💞💞 Brave & Strong. Lionhearted. Love❤️❤️❤️❤️love & love ❤️❤️
    Clare x says:
    Thanks Darling x I'm doing just fine ;-)
Penny Lewis says:
Sorry to hear you've had a tough few months Clare. Keep your chin up Hon. Love and hugs xx
    Clare x says:
    See you soon Mrs X
Lisa Johnston says:
Dearest C, I have only met you once, but you are so bubbly & fabulous, I will never forget you. I enjoy your EPLS posts/blogs & just think you are that 'glam' lady along with Biddy who I can only aspire to be one day. Life can be truly pants, trust me, I'm well aware, but keep strong. You are an AMAZING BEAUTIFUL LADY and as you well say, things will come right. Massive hug xx
    Clare x says:
    Oh thank you darling x
Carolynne says:
Big love to you ❤️ Funny how we don't really know each other yet I'd sensed this was your struggle. Maybe it's because I've been there or just women's intuition I'm not sure.... however sharing this is therapeutic and a clear sign you are reaching a stronger place. Happiness is found within yourself. This life is way too short to be anything but happy. Love will find its way again but in the meantime live it up and enjoy your freedom. Much love xx
    Clare x says:
    <3 x
susan winter says:
Don't have any words of wisdom to give you, only my best wishes that you'll get stronger and stronger xx
Susan says:
Glad your on the up Clare , was worried about you last we had coffee ❤️❤️❤️❤️😘😘
Jane Kelly says:
You poor darling. So many of us have been through it and YES we do surface a stronger person. My healing thoughts are with you. X
Andrea woodward says:
Hi Clare, life brings us all twists & turns. Some we do not expect or want. I am glad that you have managed to come out of this one stronger & positive
Andrea says:
Take care & keep those amazing recipes coming 😊. Axx
Glenda smith says:
Love and very best wishes x
Alison Stock says:
You are fun and alive now you need to live life to the full...no looking back march forwards to your new adventures xxxxx
Carmel Tustin says:
Beautifully written and very brave to share a big bit of you. None of us know what's going on in people's lives and as you say just be kind. It doesn't take a lot to be kind and save energy engaging in conflict and general anger. Loved your massage share and hope you keep moving forward.
    Clare x says:
    Thank you Cx
Jane says:
What a great, heartfelt blog. Thank you for opening up to us. So glad you can see there's more to life xx
Honest mum says:
Darling, I'm sorry you've been through this but reading how positive and strong you are shows that you are a complete warrior and things will be fine. You are wonderful, kind, beautiful and smart and deserve every happiness. I want you to do a house tour for your next post xx
    Clare x says:
    Thanks darling - it's been rough but I'm actually ok - and quite alive right now! Yes to house tour - but I'm waiting for shutters on 15th November and to finish a few things off first Cx big love (and please remember email me your address ref Matcha)
Sally says:
Well Clare, this was me 6 years ago. I fought for something because I was frightened of the unknown. I painted s face on & went into work every day while inside I was falling apart. 6 years on, I like my own company, I have more time for those friends who where with me in those dark times
Lisa says:
In June I finally moved out of a similar situation and after a bit of adjustment I am happy to say I feel like myself again. I didn't realise how much I missed myself until I got out of a situation I fought for because it's what I thought I wanted. It's not exactly the same and I can't say that I know how you feel, but I can say you are a strong person to have written about it so openly. I wish you all the best for your present and future!!
Sally says:
Oh yes, I forgot to say - the weight goes back on again!
    Clare x says:
    LOl!!! ha ha xxx
Carole says:
Had guessed all was not well. You are such a warm, caring & bubbly person (even though we have not met). You are very brave & I am sure that you will go onwards & upwards (bumps along the way of course). Love & hugs xxx
Gerardine says:
Your a strong lady and you will come out the other side of tthis even stronger, look after yourself xx
Clare x says:
Wow thank you all for your words! And as I said - i am no different from a lot of people. But with this platform I have (EPLS) I thought i'd share those thoughts - girls we need to remember we are all fabulous! Cx
Nancy says:
Sending hugs from California.
Denise Lester says:
Clare This is amazingly written and resonates. It's empowering and gives anyone who has walk
Anonymous says:
Clare This is amazingly written and resonates. It's empowering. To anyone who has loved , lost or had a break up it gives them courage and hope. You are an amazing brave lady. You are fab, stylish , gorgeous, wam, witty , fun and a fab friend. I'm lucky to know you. May the change that you experience be for only good. Only positivity , love and light. Love and life comes in many forms. Tp all those out there reading your amazing posts which are so eloquently written , only love and light !
Denise Lester says:
Clare Amazingly written , it resonates and is a force of change . Be positive and empowered by this . To you you are a Fabulous Female and deserve the best ! May your change and soul journey be only positive . May you and a that read this have love and light . And peace of mind in
Gem says:
Onwards and Upwards!! Only good can come from the strength you have inside- look at how much you have achieved already ❤️❤️
Vic says:
How brave, how honest! You're one strong cookie!!! Xxx
    Clare x says:
    And you my darling Vic have been just amazing! Cx
Jo says:
Well written clare, and so brave! I'm sorry for what you've had to go through but you're clearly better off without! You should be very proud of yourself, strong independent woman! Lots of love from us xx
Leanne says:
Thanku so much for this! I am also going through something similar, so thanku. It is nice to hear! Just got to keep going. Xx
Sandra says:
what a heartfelt message to remind us all we don't know what's around the corner! Keep strong, life is precious and as a dear friend who is no longer with us once told me ' make the most of every day, after all we are only here for a weekend!'
Sandra says:
what a heartfelt message to remind us all we don't know what's around the corner! Keep strong, life is precious and as a dear friend who is no longer with us once told me ' make the most of every day, after all we are only here for a weekend!'
Claire Wright says:
You've always been a strong, independent, inspirational woman. Be yourself! Love you xxx
    Clare x says:
    Love you too darling x
Lisa says:
What a. Moving blog your a beautiful lady inside & out and I'm sure you will come out of this a stronger person ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sharon says:
Well done for sharing your story. It is very hard to get over someone you have shared such a huge part of your life with, but life does go on and you will be so much stronger for it. Best of luck. Xx
Adèle says:
Such an amazing, inspirational lady. You deserve (and will have) a happy future. Xxxx.
HDM says:
Thank you for expressing in words exactly how it feels - and also for the positivity. Been there, still there but coming through xx
Sarah James @ Tales From The Kitchen Shed says:
What a heartfelt post, I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a bad time. You sound like you're on the right road now, keep being strong. You're so right, you need to love yourself first, which I think is the hardest step but then everything else will fall into place. This summer has been awful for me too but fingers crossed things will work out. Like you say, it will be OK. Sending hugs and wishing you the very best. xx
    Clare x says:
    I'm sorry things have been awful for you too Sarah! We just need to remember to keep on being fabulous! X
Simon says:
Well written and observed piece. Resonated with me and so helpful to know what I'm gone/going through isn't abnormal. Some tough times ahead, but I'm looking to the future with a lot more optimism now than 3 months ago. :)
    Clare x says:
    Simon thanks for your message! And it certainly isn't abnormal Cx Good luck with it all and remember - whatever- it will be fine - it has to be
Simon says:
Oh and feel free to delete this post and the two garbled ones before my last comment (reminder to never try to post a comment on a blog with a smartphone at 2am)
Anonymous says:
Love ya x x x
Susan says:
What lovely and caring friends you have Clare ♥️♥️♥️♥️💐💐💐💐💐
    Clare x says:
    don't I just xxx
Sharon G says:
After 19yrs together. My other half walked out, leaving me with 2 small children. I went into panic mode. Then picked meself up, brushed meself down and carried on. He apologised to me not that long ago. I looked him in the eye and told him it's the best thing that had happened to me and thanked him. Life goes on and I am now with a gorgeous man. Chin up, never leave the house with out your loopy on. Best wishes x
Honest mum says:
This will help so many. Thinking of you and know you will come through this stronger and happier xx
jim C says:
My favourite customer everXX
Angela says:
Inspiring, real, full of love and learning 'live alive'. What more can we each want from our one precious life? xxx
Becky says:
Goodness, you've been through the ringer haven't you, what strength, and well done for turning it round in such a short time. When my son's father left me (I was pregnant at the time) I spent the first year in a kind of delusional phase, imagining I could get him back, the following 6 months in despair - how could my life ever be anything but lonely and awful - and the following 4 years just really really angry, after which like you, I made a conscious decision to move on. So, yeah, 6 years give or take. The second really big break up came 7 years ago, after a long and horrible abusive relationship, and the recovery happened a little quicker, but I still bare the scars. I think you are right , you've got to start by not beating yourself up, by being kind and compassionate to yourself without wallowing in self pity, and to find times to laugh. Laughing is a great healer isn't it. I have a diary entry from maybe 6 years ago, that says, "wow, I'd forgotten how good it feels to hang out with friends and laugh so hard you're crying" - that was a real turning point in my life.
    Clare x says:
    Thnaks Becky i love this message - it's amazing what we can do when we have to hey? x