April 2018

Moving Forward

Right now I’m sat on a plane;  it’s late, I’m tired and I don’t just mean physically either.

It’s been a long winter don’t you think? It seems never ending to me. I long for sunshine, like really long for it… need it in fact. Hopefully it’s not to far off – fingers crossed.

For me I think it’s an essential part of my wellbeing – I need those rays ??…..essential for moving forward…

So it seems it’s that time again when I get that compelling feeling to write, you know where it just flows out of me?

It’s really weird, I’m not sure why it happens? There are times recently where I’ve wanted to write, but simply couldn’t. Then there are times like this where I can’t stop the blurb.

A time to really think about where one is.  A snapshot in time? Do you do that too?

What’s happening?

So what’s happening? I’ve felt an immense change in my mindset over these last 3 months. A real shift, It’s like I’ve finally realised this is my new life.

I’ve woken up. I’m not looking for my old life anymore, just my new one. WOW – bloody hell – that’s quite profound isn’t it. As I write, I think this is the first time I’ve admitted it!

I’m finally reasonably comfortable on my own. And maybe in my own skin and with my new life! It’s been a long, tough old journey, back from the depths of despair.

There have been times when I thought – ok so this it now my life. It’s not the same and I’m not sure I like it at all, but I’m changed!

Guys please know,  you do get there…… (there’s no one more surprised than me) you eventually get the stark light-bulb moment that one can recover and I guess you find and establish a new life.

Once you’re stripped back to the core, you start to rebuild, slowly. Yes you’re an idiot at times, through that period, clinging to people and stuff that clearly has no place in your life. I think that’s the learning, that’s the point, it’s like you have to do stuff in order to dismiss it from your life.

You realise it’s not what you want or indeed what you need. You run around doing ‘crazy shit’ meaningless stuff and then finally you realise that it’s not real? Again I think this is Moving forward….

Holding on to the good stuff

I’ve managed to hold onto various parts of my old life, the good stuff.

I’m friends with my ex, like really good friends – this I like,  it feels right, different, but right. It’s taken a lot of energy,  a lot of tears and understanding from both sides to reach this point. I’m a bit proud that we as a pair have managed to hold it together, I believe we will be friends for life, and why not?

It’s taken a long time to reach this point and it’s been emotionally draining, but so worth it. I know the last 23 years were so good – but  know those times are gone and in the past, we now have something new.

There’s a lot of stuff going on right now around me – some good – some not so and some quite frankly heartbreaking…

But when this shit stuff happens it makes one realise how transient life is and why we need to – ‘just do it!’ Whatever it is we want to do.

It sounds so cliche doesn’t it?

But maybe at 50 I’ve finally realised that we are actually in total command of our own journey and we need to take responsibility and if we don’t like it (our life or aspects of it)  then we need to change it, or move past it.

Maybe I’ve realised I’m good enough?? But good enough for what? I wonder…

Like me?

Something else I’ve realised is you cannot make people ‘like you.’ You can certainly make them ‘dislike you’ by your actions and how you live your life and how you treat people.

However that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is those people who you ‘want to like you’ like really like you, but who clearly don’t?

Learn from my mistakes. Don’t chase those people – there is simply no point!

I have realised recently that occasionally, you meet people at a certain times and you just click.  Whether it be friends or more… truth is sometimes there’s just chemistry, banter. Call it what you like, it’s just there.

I’m a strong believer  we are supposed to have certain people in our lives in one facet or another, do you think the same? So hang on to those peeps – that’s what I say anyway!

Stop stressing. Moving Forward….

I’ve also realised I need to stop stressing about what might and might not be – no one knows what’s going to happen and whatever does happen, then there’s only one way to cope with it and it’s precisely that ‘cope’ and we do, there is no other choice.

I also now know – having done my fair bit of dating what I don’t want. I’ve decided unless I meet someone who wants the same things that I want, then I’m not prepared to compromise too much.

There is a line for me, I’m open minded obviously but there are some prerequisites.  That being, honesty, integrity , humour, kindness and ‘tallness’ ? Sorry is that shallow?!

I’m also quite demanding I’ve realised. I need a lot of attention? To feel wanted and appreciated is so important. We all do I think, but for me it’s really important.

I am self sufficient, I work hard, I support myself and answer to no one – that in itself is quite liberating. I am just fine on my own and one doesn’t actually need another person to define us.

Another person I guess is a bonus…

Living

People talk about living their best life, I do too, but what does that mean? “Live your best life.”

These four simple words, made famous by Oprah Winfrey, give somehow a single instruction to follow, to achieve happiness and success.

But how do we do it? Moving forward maybe?

For me it’s about having purpose, about enjoying all things that make me  happy, small things as well as large things. My family, my friends, my work, my blog, doesn’t sound much does it, but it is for me.

I needed to find my place and my purpose, I need to reach my full potential and do my best in all that I try to do. Again moving forward…

Being Kind and Moving Forward

To be kind is another big one for me.

To stop moaning and complaining and to be mindful. I need to stop charging through my life, I need to enjoy the journey.

I need to take the bad stuff as well as the good stuff and I need to calm and be patient for what’s to come (not easy). All of  this doesn’t happen quickly – it’s a slow realisation and a slow process.

At least now I’m truly open and I’m excited by what may come next…

So my plan is to keep Moving forward….  and living my best life!

You?

Maybe read my first ever relationship post, it will possibly explain a lot – Affairs of the Heart

Big love Cx