Feb 2017

Is it ok not to be ok? (Life post break-up)

Is it? Is It? Who knows?

But what’s the choice post break-up? I think you have to TRY be ok most of the time and I’m sure it’s ok to lick your wounds from time to time?  So is it ok not to be ok?

Every person has their own remedy for mending a broken heart after a breakup. You tend to hear advice left and right, even if you never asked.

Not every piece of advice will work for you. People are different and so is every broken heart. This we must remember.

So a lot of time has gone by now since my split last year and since I moved house. In one way it feels like FOREVER ago that I was ‘coupled’ and in another just like yesterday, it’s hard to explain!  

My life is so VERY different from then. In fact I can’t now imagine my life and how it was before. There is a wonderful feeling of contentment and safety inside a loving relationship – always a place to go’ home’ too…..

But being single at my age (*coughs* whispers almost 50) is bizarre!! So bloody bizarre…..

On the one hand though it really is SO VERY exciting, like I’ve woken up!  and the other so flipping mystifying!

I joke with my single friends, it is like being in the midsts of a battleground, a constant battle – hence my new term ‘Dating Warrior.’ You need guts and bravery to enter the arena – I mean it, it’s bloody hard work.

Anyway less about that… 😉  (but one day I would love to write a piece on Dating at 50 – I have such a lot of  VERY funny stories! Put it this way, you would never believe it – it could only happen to me!  😉 )

I have also met some lovely new friends, male & female – friends I simply would not have met if I wasn’t single. And from each of those people it is like, in a funny sort of way,  they were sent for me to learn something about life or myself.

I have met people who live very different lives from me with different views and it’s good to experience that! Being single now has challenged my views , challenged me to reconsider what I actually want from a relationship and maybe it’s something a little different than what I thought, if that makes sense?

It’s so tough

It’s so tough, when you feel so rubbish, to put yourself out there! Scary in fact!  However as my very close friend said to me – ‘Clare – no one is going to knock on your door’  and too true, that’s a fact!

I’m not at all ready for anything serious, for heavens sake I’m only just out of a 23 year relationship – but 9 months on I’m ready to date and to open myself up to the possibility of being with someone.

I like male company – simple! What I have realised over the last difficult 9 months is I don’t want to be on my own forever, I’m not sure I want to live with anyone either.

 But let’s see – never say never I have learnt! I think one just needs to be open to the possibility of what may happen….

So this year is a biggy for me, I have lots of things I want and need to do! I am trying to make 2017 the year of new things and exciting possibilities! I am saying yes to most things too.

But I need to be careful. I am tired – really tired and I need to take care. I run around Europe like it’s a small garden! Then I realise it’s not when I start to feel physically ill.

I so need to learn to get the balance right! Maybe I just need to stop but maybe we are all scared to stop – maybe if we stop, we will start to think too much?

So far this year I have done a photography course, been to Germany on business, spent 6 days in Leeds on business, done 3 interviews for the radio, written some new recipes, celebrated excessively (!!!)  with my best friend for her 50th, continued to sort out my new house – (wardrobes almost done) 

Next it’s the kitchen,  been driving up and down the A1 to see family, been on a few dates, booked 2 holidays etc etc and it goes on and it’s only February – get the picture?!

I am also trying to plan some stuff for my 50th too! Phew – it makes me tired just reading it! It is a #Madlife but it’s of my own making!

So maybe I need to calm down a little! But why would I?

I have this massive desire and drive to live an amazing life, to do amazing things, to see amazing people and to spend amazing times with people I love. We are only here once – cliche I know – but it’s a simple fact.

I want  to achieve all I can ! BUT then there’s that word again BALANCE. I need to learn to find balance, anyone have any hints?

And I say just one thing to finish off, if you are going through a breakup you will received  a huge amount of advise and in this ocean of wisdom and guidance, you may just catch some advice you’ll want to reel in.

Hold on to it tight, because it will help you through those rough waters. And before you know it, you’ll be safely on the shore.

Let’s hope so anyway!

But remember – Is it ok not to be ok? Yes I think it is if it’s mixed with being ok!

Please drop me a comment under this post – I love getting your comments x

Big Love Cx