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Is it ok, not to be ok? Update post!

Feb 2017

Is it ok, not to be ok? (Life post break-up)

Is it? Is It? Who knows? But what’s the choice post break-up? I think you have to TRY be ok most of the time and I’m sure it’s ok to lick your wounds from time to time? Every person has their own remedy for mending a broken heart after a breakup. You tend to hear advice left and right, even if you never asked. Not every piece of advice will work for you. People are different and so is every broken heart. This we must remember.

So a lot of time has gone by now since my split last year and since I moved house. In one way it feels like FOREVER ago that I was ‘coupled’ and in another just like yesterday, it’s hard to explain!  My life is so VERY different from then. In fact I can’t now imagine my life and how it was before. There is a wonderful feeling of contentment and safety inside a loving relationship – always a place to go’ home’ too…..

But being single at my age (*coughs* whispers almost 50) is bizarre!! So bloody bizarre…..

On the one hand though it really is SO VERY exciting, like I’ve woken up!  and the other so flipping mystifying! I joke with my single friends, it is like being in the midsts of a battleground, a constant battle – hence my new term ‘Dating Warrior.’ You need guts and bravery to enter the arena – I mean it, it’s bloody hard work. Anyway less about that… 😉  (but one day I would love to write a piece on Dating at 50 – I have such a lot of  VERY funny stories! Put it this way, you would never believe it – it could only happen to me!  😉 )

I have also met some lovely new friends, male & female – friends I simply would not have met if I wasn’t single. And from each of those people it is like, in a funny sort of way,  they were sent for me to learn something about life or myself. I have met people who live very different lives from me with different views and it’s good to experience that! Being single now has challenged my views , challenged me to reconsider what I actually want from a relationship and maybe it’s something a little different than what I thought, if that makes sense?

It’s so tough, when you feel so rubbish, to put yourself out there! Scary in fact!  However as my very close friend said to me – ‘Clare – no one is going to knock on your door’  and too true, that’s a fact! I’m not at all ready for anything serious, for heavens sake I’m only just out of a 23 year relationship – but 9 months on I’m ready to date and to open myself up to the possibility of being with someone. I like male company – simple! What I have realised over the last difficult 9 months is I don’t want to be on my own forever, I’m not sure I want to live with anyone either  – but let’s see – never say never I have learnt! I think one just needs to be open to the possibility of what may happen….

So this year is a biggy for me, I have lots of things I want and need to do! I am trying to make 2017 the year of new things and exciting possibilities! I am saying yes to most things too. But I need to be careful. I am tired – really tired and I need to take care. I run around Europe like it’s a small garden! Then I realise it’s not when I start to feel physically ill. I so need to learn to get the balance right! Maybe I just need to stop but maybe we are all scared to stop – maybe if we stop, we will start to think too much?

So far this year I have done a photography course, been to Germany on business, spent 6 days in Leeds on business, done 3 interviews for the radio, written some new recipes, celebrated excessively (!!!)  with my best friend for her 50th, continued to sort out my new house – (wardrobes almost done) – next it’s the kitchen,  been driving up and down the A1 to see family, been on a few dates, booked 2 holidays etc etc and it goes on and it’s only February – get the picture?! I am also trying to plan some stuff for my 50th too! Phew – it makes me tired just reading it! It is a #Madlife but it’s of my own making!

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So maybe I need to calm down a little! But why would I? I have this massive desire and drive to live an amazing life, to do amazing things, to see amazing people and to spend amazing times with people I love. We are only here once – cliche I know – but it’s a simple fact. I want  to achieve all I can ! BUT then there’s that word again BALANCE. I need to learn to find balance, anyone have any hints?

And I say just one thing to finish off, if you are going through a breakup you will received  a huge amount of advise and in this ocean of wisdom and guidance, you may just catch some advice you’ll want to reel in. Hold on to it tight, because it will help you through those rough waters. And before you know it, you’ll be safely on the shore.

Let’s hope so anyway!

But remember – Is it ok not to be ok? Yes I think it is if it’s mixed with being ok!

Please drop me a comment under this post – I love getting your comments x

Big Love Cx

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Comments

Vic says:
Looking forward to hearing the funny dating stories ;) xx
    Clare x says:
    yeah right - you know most of them lol!! x
Jane Kelly says:
A wonderful read. I can empathise having decided to separate from my ex husband when I was 49. Knowing what you don't want is pretty important to. It's probably best you don't run on adrenalin for too long as it has awful consequences. Balance is key. If you can't stop for a reason it might be a good idea to address it. I have numerous stories to tell aswell. The marvellous thing is I met the man of my dreams, my Knight in shining armour and we are living the dream. I wrote down what I wanted on a piece of paper and then burnt it. I got everything and more. Jane x
Steve says:
As they say you never know what's round the corner and how life can change I spilt from other half 5 years ago after 20 years and am now about to get married again and yes I'm over 50 and life is wonderful. Can't wait to hear more from you. Just don't try to do everything at once and look after yourself
Christina says:
totally get you . . . and yes! if it's not the time, it's just not the effing time. Read this quote today, "Timing is the one thing we forget to surrender to." And at 47 ... I sure feel like it's an uphill battle. Anyway, big hugs and big congratulations for your courage and your "truthing". There's an awesome group of supportive humans hanging around here https://loveprojectlove.com/ if you're interested in checking it out.
Katherine says:
Well written, I think you are an inspiration, you'll never stop rushing around as that's just you but just take care, you're doing great darling ❤️ Xx
Jane Mc says:
You're a success magnet and you're unstoppable! You will find a significant other and you'll have fun doing it. I know it! You could add another thing to your list of new activities and come to yoga with me :) xx
    Clare x says:
    Oh You are too kind! me? Yoga? Too funny x
Susie / So Happy In Town says:
Amazing what you've been up to already this year - you've obviously got so much energy and the future is exciting for you. Must be scary coming out of such a long term relationship but the possibilities are endless. Good luck! #brillblogposts
    Clare x says:
    Thanks Cx
Honest Mum says:
You are a survivor and so inspiring, you've had a tough time but are rediscovering yourself and having fun. You are amazing, I want to party with you x
    Clare x says:
    Let's do it! It would be so much fun! All I say is god help Leeds or London - which ever we choose!! Cx
Susan n says:
You've done so much in 7 weeks of 2017 . Just where does your energy come from .you always seem so positive ❤️ S
    Clare x says:
    I'm knackered Susan x
Hannah creed says:
What a great read! So inspiring. Make the most of being single because you won't be for long. Lots of love xx
Amanda says:
What a great read tq xx It truly is ok not to be ok.. go into the single space and embrace it!!! I have walked the same boards you are now.. learn who you are, enjoy new experiences and go into the scary times learning and coming out stronger!! Keep the balance .. allow yourself times out even if it's painful .. We are all alone really it's just who we wish to share our time with
Amanda says:
What a great read tq xx It truly is ok not to be ok.. go into the single space and embrace it!!! I have walked the same boards you are now.. learn who you are, enjoy new experiences and go into the scary times learning and coming out stronger!! Keep the balance .. allow yourself times out xx Have fun by just being "in the here and now" moment xxx
Melanie Tickle says:
A very honest and heart warming article..looking forward to sharing a holiday adventure with you. Life changes every minute so enjoy each and every one of them. No one will do it for you and it's not a rehearsal, listen to your body too xx you are a beautiful young (younger than me) woman, go for it, be safe, because it can be scary and have enormous fun 😘
Julia says:
Of course it's ok not to be ok! Occasionally!! For everyone needs those moments when they just want to shut out the world, retreat into their shell and lick their wounds. Balance is most definately the key
Tim says:
Hey Lovely lady nice piece XXX
Tim says:
nice piece clare x
Andy says:
Entertaining as ever. I love the honesty which never descends into self-pity-your positivity always shines through! Good things will happen-it's inevitable, and all will be more than ok in Clare world. But when that happens, don't give up on writing: we'd miss you in Blogland!!
    Clare x says:
    Thanks Darling - I'll never stop blogging, never fear, I love it! x
Paul Yates says:
Its just amazing reading your blogs - truly heartfelt bit o so true! Its difficult to focus on 'you' and I am guilty of just wanting to do what's right for the kids / focus on work / try to hold it all together and put on a brave face ... when often you wanna just shut the door and blub :-( You are amazing to focus on the positives and the next steps and grab each day by the scruff of the neck - proud of you Clare and this ought to be a lesson to us all - whether single / married / complicated ... Grab life by the 'balls' and go and make it your own :-)